| hmmmmm.....long time |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|07:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | U2 | ] |
WOW.....it's been a while since I wrote.....Admittedly I've been obsessed with flickr and taking photos lol....of all kinds of things, I guess it's kinda like doing something and then getting better at it (at least I think so lol) and the more you do it the better it gets and the more you want to do it! A bit of a headache really...
I've finally finished that God horrid management position.....ewwwww....it was just awful....just awful, and now I've landed a Clinical Nurse Educator in Emergency job.... 8am - 4.30pm Monday to Friday....wow, it's amazing what being a real person is like....I kind of feel beside myself not knowing what the hell to do with that normality lol
Went to La Perouse yesterday and took some photos at that fort thing there, I don't have the slightest idea what the name of it is, but it's the one that was a location set for Mission Impossible 2.... I thought it had the name on the railing but I didn't see it...... was pretty overcast....created a series called "Song of the Sea", was going to head out to The Rocks markets or Glebe markets to take some happy snaps but it started to sprinkle and I thought it best I went home.....plus I was in a bit of haze from the previous evening.... but nothing panadol and nurofen plus won't get rid of!
Was down at Kirribilli around lunchtime today....lots of tourists...as expected! Lots of cameras and stuff so I just blended in really, except the vast majority of the tourists were of asian descent therefore in that regard I stuck out like a sore thumb....oh well, it was funny.....then headed back home to an evening with the computer, heater and the dogs......oh and a visit from my mother and a call from The Good Guys about a TV I want to get....pfft...not important really.
I'm saving up to go to New Zealand, hopefully will get the annual leave for the end of the year *makes a mental note to apply for it so later I don't whinge that I didn't get it*.... I do that a lot and then find it absurd that my application was rejected lol
Decided that from tomorrow on am going to TRY being a vegetarian....kinda had enough of the meat thing, read a few pieces that was enough to turn me off....saw a few pictures that broke my heart....so time to change my ways!
Anywho....signing off for now...
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| Lamenting Freedom |
[Jun. 18th, 2006|02:49 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | andrea bocelli - panis angelicus | ] |
Yes it's the early hours of the morning and I can't sleep.... not happy!!! Admittedly I did sleep most of the day on and off.... got really tired and depressed that I'm back to work on Monday and I don't really want to go back.
These last 2 weeks of annual leave have been nice. I didn't go away like I had planned and the plans, other than Swan Lake, that I had planned didn't come into fruition so I was left to endless time to both contemplate my life and be spontaneous. Overall, the last 2 weeks of my life have been productive in a non-productie kind of way. I have comtemplated my life and where I am at. I have contemplated friendships and the people around me. I have contemplated who I am and where I want to be. I have contemplated the things that make me happy and the things that make me sad. I guess it has been good to think about all of these things, I think they have been there for some time to be thought about but I didn't have the chance to actually sit down and think about them deeply. I wish I had a little bit more time to enjoy my contemplations lol but alas I have to go back to work tomorrow and I really don't want to. As part of my contemplating I have come to the conclusion that one of the things that makes me sad is the work I do. I have lost interest in it and I feel very blah about it. I know it's time to move on, and as much as it frustrates me that I can't move on immediately to what I want to do....as in right now, I have to settle with the fact that I will have to continue working in this arena for the next little while.... and I have to be patient and try and do my best in the job that I now have no ral interest in. I think this will be a challenge for me, because once I lose interest in something I don't give it my all.
I've done some research tonight, in my sleepless state into courses I'd like to do.... there is one in particular at the University of Sydney (Bachelor Visual Arts).... for this, I must prepare a portfolio of photos so if there is anyone out there that would like to participate for people photos... please, put your hands up now. There are also a few competitions running at the moment which I think I'll enter. I'm not aiming at winning (because I know I won't) but it'll be fun and I think I will certainly learn from them.
Anywho.... my apologies for the boring ramble... night night to all! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2006|10:02 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | U2 | ] |
Haven't posted in the last few days...have been doing some stuff.
Wednesday I went to see Swan Lake on Ice..... amazing!! beautiful!!! Choreography absolutely amazing! A shame it's only plying for 2 weeks, otherwise I'd go and see it again. Wednesday ended back at Melanie's house, had some pasta for dinner and watched Shrek 2. Pissed ourselves laughing! At around 9pm headed out to Clovelly. The night was magical.... not a cloud in the sky and the moon was full, reflecting clearly on the water outlining all the ripples in the water. The ocean was angry, like it was pissed off with the world. We took a stroll down to the pool area and the tide was a bit high. The only light was from 2 floodlights up above us near the lifesving club. It lit up our way, however the ocean water feet from us remained dark and mysterious... made me wonder what the hell was under the water.... after a short stroll, a minor tsunami came and soaked us. The water, suprisingly wasn't as cold as I thought it would be.... almost made you want to go for a swim, despite it being freezing. So we continued to trape around in soggy and sloshy shoes and socks..... and headed to far end that faces the ocean directly.... the ocean began to get violent and waves crashing against the barrier and the rocks, rising high in the sky... almost as if it were telling us to go away, because it wanted to be alone. It was however spectacular with the backdrop of the black sky and moon. Not extremely windy either so that helped. We left the pool area and headed up to the carpark and continued sloshing over to Gordon Bay. Shortly after that we left and headed home.
Yesterday I decided to try my luck at black and white photos of peope and places and whatever else came my way. Considering I usually do nature shots and macros, this experience was new and not only that but I decided to use the old fashioned method of taking photos with film...no digital....needless to say I took my digitals anyway...just in case lol. So I stuffed my backpack with 3 cameras, smokes, purse and a bottle of green tea and headed to the Sydney CBD to see what I could find. It was damn funny people watching through a lens.... i felt like a CIA operative hiding behind trees and the like taking candid photos of people without them noticing, i wish I'd had a larger lens so that I didn't have to get so close...but I guess that was all the part of the fun. Old people are so funny.... there was an elderly couple I was desperately trying to get a photo of...they noticed me and kept moving out of the way thinking they were obstructing the shot...they just didn't get it!!! ha ha ha, so I moved on giggling to myself about people in general...how we all have a story to tell. When I got the prints back that night I was mortified.... they looked so much better through the lens when I was taking them... maybe out of 72 photos I was happy with 2 or 3 of them and 2 of the ones I was happy with were ones of my dogs, ha ha. Maybe I should just stick to what I know, lol. Nevertheless it was fun! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2006|12:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sarah McLachlan | ] |
I bought a whole heap of Black and White film today, because I've been killing myself trying to get the right tones etc, with digital images. I got myself a copy of Adobe Photoshop CS2 and even then, no real luck trying to get the look that I want. So.... digital camera has been put aside for now and back to the good old ways. I generally am pretty bad at taking people shots and stuff.... so in the next few days I am going to try my hardest to get great people shots.
I've been pondering lately on intuition. You know when you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach about something and it tells you something, and generally if you go against what it, something always goes wrong? Where does intuition come from? I've had many thoughts on this and read many theories but nothing tells you exactly where it is from and what makes you feel this. I have a thought of my own on this and i'll try and elaborate as best I can......
The human brain is quite large, yet we only use 11% of it.... so what does the rest of the 89% do? Does it have a function? Or does it just sit there? Throughout time the human brain has developed and it has been over hundreds of thousands of years. The function of the brain of a Neanderthal man was certainly not at the percentage of today or even 100 years ago. Each part of the 11% of the brain has its own function... for example the area that deals with mathematics and other areas of complex thought. Through time these areas have developed... obviously, so that means that the brain of Neaderthal man had the ability to process complex functions however they were unable tap into this knowledge. Now, given that, back to intuition.... what if a part of our brain has the ability to tap into metaphysical kind of stuff, and intuition is part of that. You hear about things that when people are deep states of meditation they are able to experience astral projection.... I've never experienced this because my mind won't stop thinking long enough to attain a true meditative state. Writings of people state that in a state of astral projection they focus on a question or thought and they are able to get the answers or guidance or whatever they get. This is somewhat similar to intuition, except on a deeper level. People state that it feels like the "soul" leaves the body, but this would not be possible in theory. What if 5% of the unused brain is dedicated to this function. What if states of astral projection and intuition stem from this unused area and the brain in our time now is developing towards that? You hear of psychics and clairvoyants, etc and yes some of them are shonky... but there are some that really make you wonder.... what if these people have this area of their brain more developed than others? As part of normal human development? What if the role that society and religion play as seeing these kind of things as taboo or illogical prevents people from tapping into this part of the brain and further developing? Where will our brains be in say, 1000 years from now? All I know is that there is intuition and I don't know where it comes from, but it's always right. Just a bit of bizarre and crazy food for thought! |
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| wonder.... |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|02:03 pm] |
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| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | R.E.M | ] |
I sit here watching the Live 8 concert DVD's and look at the millions of people that attended in different places of the world to support one cause..... I then began wondering how one event could generate the 157 million signatures of support it did. This then led me to thinking that it's a shame that we live our daily lives ignorant of the daily sufferings of others and how one event can band half the world's population together.... why is it that only on one day this can happen? Why not everyday? Has humanity lost it's sense of compassion? Does society lead us to live this life where we are so self absorbed in our own success, where materialistic items are the sole purpose of existence on earth? We take for granted the possesions we have, we take for granted the change we have in our purses.... we don't realise how rich we really are because we don't have to see misery everyday. How many times do you sit watching TV and change the channel when a charity ad for africa or a 3rd world country comes on? I've done it, and I'm ashamed of it..... I sit here in this new home of mine which is much too big for me anyway, with the heater on at night because it's cold with a plate of food in front of me because i'm hungry, yet it horrifies me to think that millions of people on this earth don't even know what a heater is! Where has human compassion and help for others gone? Where has society led itself to? Why is it that we can be so technologically advanced, we can do so much yet do nothing to assist in the resolution of the world's real problem? Yes, the advacements of the NASA space program and the struggle for overall power are so much more important than the millions of children that die daily of hunger and poverty! So much more important! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2006|10:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Secret Garden | ] |
Hmmmm, pretty boring and dreary day. Woke up late today, had mammoth sleep in. Strange evening yesterday. Had a friend come around for dinner and a chat at around 5pm which lasted until 4am. Half way through we decide to take a drive out to Camden and take a stroll through the cemetary at St. John's Aglican Church. The night was drizzly and slightly misty, so we donned our coats and ugg boots and trekked through the cemetary to attempt at taking photos of the tombstones at night. The Church stood high atop the hill and there were trees around. One floodlight behind a tree cast light against the Church giving it an eerie look with the drizzle it looked amazing. Problem: Camera is absoloute shite for night time photos and with a flash the image was spoiled. We continued to venture linked arm in arm and heard laughing from what was logically a nearby house... there must've been a party. The laughing reminded me of what a banshee may sound like.... keeping this in mind, the last place you want to be in a hearing that laughing is in a cemetary at night....so what happended, we shat ourselves and left!!!! ha ha ha... chicken? Most definately. My friend commented the laughing was like something she thought she had heard when she went to Port Arthur and went to a midnight tour of some convict prison down there..... spooky? Maybe.... probably more us scaring the living hell out of ourselves..... Did we get night time cemetary photos? Negative!!!! ha ha ha, not a wasted venture though.... it was certainly a different experience. Thrilling even.
I've decided that nursing is just not for me anymore. I feel like I want to venture out and try something else. I think about all the things I'd like to do and get panic attacks thinking that when I reach 60 I don't want to look back and say to myself, "I wish I had done that". I'm really considering photography.... hmmmm, yes I think so. Archaeology even.... I don't know. I'd love to work for the Red Cross too, but I have to wait until i'm damn 30.... next year ha ha ha. |
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| EFFIN RAIN!!!!! |
[Jun. 10th, 2006|04:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | not on a plane | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Josh Groban | ] |
CANCELLED, CANCELLED I TELL YOU!!!!!! The skydiving was CANCELLED. Can I make it clearer than CANCELLED!!!! To hell with rain, to hell with cancellations!!!! |
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| insane ranting of nothing but absoloute crap! |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|06:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Secret Garden | ] |
Hmmmm...... where do I begin? I got back in contact with the best mates I ever had at uni after hmmmm probably about a year. Being a shiftworker tends to this to you, you know.... give you no life whatsoever, whereby you feel that basically it's just you in the world and nothing around you really exists. I'm currently on annual leave and luckily enough for me I've scored a job that's Monday to Friday 8am - 4.30pm. Most of you are probably sitting there thinking that I'm a freak because that's normal.....well let me tell you!!!!! Nearly 8 years I've worked towards this one moment and finally I'm there. If you're interested in knowing what the hell it is I do..... I'm a Clinical Nurse Specialist at a Metropolitan Hospital Emergency Department. Soon to be the Educator there..... YAY!!!!!
For the last few years I've been taking photos of things.... mainly animals and flowers and stuff and for the first time I've entered a competition. I sent my photos off to the Australian Museum yesterday for their "Up close and Spineless" invertebrates competition. The website I created to display some photos is linked on here somewhere.
I'm kind of sick of metropolitan hospitals and nursing in them in general really. I sit and wonder exactly what kind of a difference it is I am making? Hospitals are policy driven places that don't let you be creative and explore aspects of care. They function off policies and if there is no policy written, then you couldn't possibly do it. You may say, well why don't you write a policy.....welllllllllll...... to write a policy it needs to be approved by 500 different committees who all have something to say and add and by the time they all decide I would be retired!!!! What good am I doing in such a closed environment. Imagine the difference one could make by creating a First Aid Clinic in a little village of Africa or even in remote places of the world where access to healthcare is like a dream. That would certainly be making a difference, maybe to a small few, but to those people you would certainly be making a difference and really, that's what counts!
I'm going skydiving up in Gloucester tomorrow. Jumping from 13,000 feet with a freefall time of 60 seconds. Why? The adrenaline rush maybe. The fact that once you drop out of that plane and you see it leave you know it's the point of no return.... you know that there are either 2 outcomes.... 1)Live or 2)die. When you're faced with that you think oh well if I'm going to die I have 1.5minutes left to live so how am I going to live them? Absolutely petrified? No way, so you just enjoy that time and when you land you get this overwhelming feeling that there is nothing in this world that you can't do... that there is nothing in this world that can stop you from doing anything. This feeling lasts for weeks after. The sad thing about it is that once you've experienced that feeling you know that there is nothing else in this world that will remotely give you that feeling so when it all wears off, you have to go back and do it again... face the possibility that you may die all over again in order to regain a euphoria that is a hundred times better than any orgasm that you may have!!!! And I guess after the strangeness of my life over the last month or so, I need to regain that feeling and jumping out of a plane is the only way I know how to do it! So if I don't write again it's because I've died!!!! ha ha ha. |
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